So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
Randomize
