I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
i would punch a child for taco bell
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
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i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
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did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize