Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
