North Korea, Best Korea!
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
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