I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
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