The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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