Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Randomize
