I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
Randomize
