he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
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