It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Randomize
