butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
Randomize
