all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
Randomize
