Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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