He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
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