any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
Randomize
