so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
