I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
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And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
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