I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
