It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Randomize
