my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
Just invented taco cereal.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize
