She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
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