Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
Randomize
