I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Randomize
