The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Randomize