how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Randomize