i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
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