How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
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He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
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