i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
Randomize