end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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