I must be too annoying 4 u.
I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
