he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
I have tasted many bathrooms
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Randomize