I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
Randomize
