I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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