I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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