thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
