I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
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