I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
