I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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