the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
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