I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Randomize