Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
I was not drunk enough for that final.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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