An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
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