i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Randomize
