I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize