Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Randomize
