I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
Randomize
