she woke up with a sticky ear
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Randomize
