And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
Randomize
