we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
Randomize
