I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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