shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Randomize
