Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Randomize
