wat bout pragnant strippers??
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
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I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
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