Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
