why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
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