thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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